Based on what you know about him in history
books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
(1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
(2) Advising the President.
(3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his
coffin. .
- David Letterman
Football FINALLY makes sense...
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great
seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she
liked the experience.
'Oh, I really liked it,' she rep lied, 'Especially the tight pants and all the
big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other
over 25 cents.'
Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'
'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game,
all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm
like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!
Our troops
in Afghanistan prove they still have their sense of humor with the
following:
"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN MEMBER IF..."
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford
shoes or a toothbrush.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your
pocket.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off
roadside bombs.
9. You've often uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave."
10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own five or six.
11. You bathe monthly, whether you need it or not.
